Horror

Look Out for The Hoff! – Anaconda 3: The Offspring (2008)

anaconda-iii
By all rights, you have to love the third installment of the Anaconda series because it stars The Hoff – David Hasselhoff.  Yet even with his presence in the film, it manages to be one of the worst sequels ever made for anything and sadly, there were no lifeguards or sentient cars to be seen which may or may not have saved from being the turd that it was.

anaconda-3-2The story somewhat continues off of the last movie with mention of the Blood Orchids and how they are now being used to breed giant snakes in the hopes of curing the cancer that is killing Gimli from Sliders, better known as John Rhys-Davies.  Things go wrong though and the snake escapes its prison and from that moment on, the boss man’s crew and all of their hired guns are killed one by one as the snake escapes to give birth to a new race of giant anacondas.

The special effects are abominable, probably some of the worst to be seen on the small screen, as this was a direct-to-video feature, this side of The Scorpion King.  Add to that a terrible script, atrocious acting, and just about anything else you can imagine and you will find it realized in this film.

When David Hasselhoff is your only saving grace, it either speaks to the incredible talent of the man or you know that Anaconda 3 is truly an astounding waste of film.

1 out of 5
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2015 Edition

First EntryTrapped in the… – Valley of the Dragons (1961)
Second EntryCan You Feel the… – Tremors (1990)
Third EntryBeauty and Danger Collide in… – Viking Women and the Sea Serpent (1957)
Fourth EntryDance the Night Away in the… – Village of the Giants (1965)
Fifth EntryIt Was a Time… – When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970)
Sixth EntryDo Not Fall Into the Grasp of… – The Giant Claw (1957)
Seventh EntryWho Knew They Could Give Birth? – Tremors 2: Aftershocks (1996)
Eighth EntrySo Many to Choose From – The Loves of Hercules (1960)
Ninth EntryShould Have Stayed Down Below – Up From the Depths (1979)
Tenth EntrySnakes On a Boat! – Anaconda (1997)
Eleventh EntryThink Twice Before You Cheat – Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)
Twelfth EntryBack to the Trough – Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001)
Thirteenth EntryPast and Present Collide in… – Mega Shark Versus Mecha Shark (2014)
Fourteenth EntryMating Season – Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004)
Fifteenth EntryA Land Before Time – One Million Years B.C. (1966)
Sixteenth EntryBattle of the She-Titans – Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader (2012)

Last Year’s Creatures…

Giant Monster Gamera (1965)
The Monolith Monsters (1957)
Gamera vs. Barugon (1966)
Tarantula (1955)
Gamera vs. Gyaos (1967)
Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957)
Gamera vs. Viras (1968)
The Cyclops (1957)
Gamera vs. Guiron (1969)
Monsters (2010)
Gamera vs. Jiger (1970)
The Killer Shrews (1959)
Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)
The Deadly Mantis (1957)
Space Monster Gamera (1980)
King Dinosaur (1955)
Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (1995)
The Black Scorpion (1957)
Gamera 2: Attack of Legion (1996)
Them! (1954)
Gamera 3: The Revenge of Iris (1999)
The Giant Gila Monster (1959)
Gamera the Brave (2006)
Frankenstein Conquers the World (1966)

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