Noah’s Shark, a film by Wild Eye Releasing, is the longest six years of a person’s life one will ever spend on a movie. At seventy-one minutes, this drudge-fest feels interminably long. It is so boring and so bad that it might be the worst movie ever made and there are a lot of bad films in the world, many of them from Wild Eye.
There is a lot of preaching and scripture and nonsensical garbage in this that one has to wonder why the makers of this film even called it a shark picture. True, there was a shark for a few seconds here and there but it needed a million percent more sharks to make it palatable for thinking humans. There is also some reference to witches and curses and a piece of wood that catches on fire because it is probably just trying to get away from this production and more and yet none of it saves this movie from being as bad as it is. Low-budget is one thing, this is something else.
If one is into torture or self-punishment, Noah’s Shark is the movie for them. There is not anything redeeming about this picture other than the title and the box art for the home release. Really, truly terrible.
0.5 out of 5