No Scales to Measure a… – Ghostquake (2012)

Given some of the talent involved, it is hard to imagine how Ghostquake turned out to be so awful. True, it was a film made for television and for the Syfy channel no less, but even with Danny Trejo, MC Gainey and Charisma Carpenter in a bit part, they were not enough to stop this movie from becoming the turd that it did.

It begins with a creepy teacher, a student and some gold coins that spill out in the boiler room. From there the ‘ghostquake’ happens and evil spirits decide to cause a little chaos and a little death within the school where it all takes place. With the help of a janitor named Ortiz who of course knows magic, the evil ghost named Danforth is eventually stopped and things return to as close to normal as they were before this all took place.

There is little, if anything at all, to like about this film except perhaps for the title. Trejo is usually enjoyable no matter the role he takes, but even here he feels more like a caricature of all the characters he has played in the past and it simply does not work. Gainey is probably the best of the bunch as the villainous headmaster of many years gone by, now a ghost and looking to get a little revenge on the current body of students, but even then, he hams it up just a little bit too much.

The special effects are poor in general, but there is a moment or two when somebody is killed and they look slightly better, but given the network this film was made for, one can only expect so much. Overall, from script to direction and everything in-between, Ghostquake failed to deliver and even as something to watch at two in the morning and deprived of sleep, it is best to just find something else, anything whatsoever.

1 out of 5

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